Racing

My mind is racing,

Feelings I can’t explain,

How did I get here?

It all happened so fast,

I don’t know which way to go,

Broken, confused, and alone,

That has always been my home,

Afraid of failure...

My mind is racing,

What have I done?

Self-destructing,

What if it can’t be undone?

Asking God to save me,

Broken.

Shattered beyond recognition,

Pieces put together only to show my scars.

Scars that will never heal,

Pain that won’t go away,

Trauma that has been here to stay,

Some days I don’t want to breathe,

Maybe, if I’m not breathing the pain will go away,

Maybe if I let it all go, I won’t fold.

How can this be so?

How can I be weak?

When I’ve always been so strong.

I feel the tendons pulling at my heart,

The weight of the world on my back

My soul sinks into my feet,

I feel small, like nothing at all.

I wake up and I’m still here,

Another day, a different nightmare,

My mind is racing,

Trying to keep track of it all,

Who will catch me when I fall?

Who will love me through it all?

I look around,

I’m alone in this crowd, in this world.

Nights filled with tears,

Twisted in a knot of fear,

Placing pressure on the pain.

A temporary fix,

For a fairytale that will never exist.

By, Tia Williams

I have a brother serving life in prison and his part in "Racing" is below, we wrote them together. It’s my favorite poem. The two together are so powerful! I purposely left it the way he wrote it, please see beyond that. Good stuff here.

MY MIND IS RACING N THIS TIME OF

SOLITUDE N DESPAIR IF I COULD SEE

THE SKY FROM THIS NASTY CELL ID

PROBABLY ALWAYS STARE. LIFE IS

SELDOM FAIR. THE FUTURE IS MY

FOCUS BCUZ IT INSPIRES MY PRESENT

N MITIGATES MY PAST. MY MIND IS

RACING THOUGHTS N SLOW MOTION

MOVE SO FAST I TRY TO SEE IT BEFORE

I DO IT FRUSTRATED AT TIMES ON HOW

LONG THE PAIN LAST. DIFFICULT TAKES

A DAY. IMPOSSIBLE TAKES A WEEK I

TELL MYSELF THESE THINGS N LISTEN

2TIMES BEFORE I SPEAK.WITH SUCH A

RACING MIND HOW DO I SURVIVE THE

DAY QUESTIONS FORM CONVERSATIONS

THAT LEAD MY MIND ASTRAY. BAD

CHOICES N THE PAST IS HOW I LOST

CONTROL OF MY DAYS…MY MIND IS

ALWAYS RACING. BCUZ MY TIME IS

ALWAYS FREE. IT COST TO PLAY THE

GAMES WE PLAY MY BODY WAS THE

FEE.

FLEX ALQUALIQ HEATROK…